The journey begins...

Day to day life isn't easy for everyone.  There are challenges and struggles each of us faces that can keep us one step behind in our pursuit to happiness. There are also good things that happen too that takes us one step toward happiness. Doing nothing about it is what keep us standing still. I am not the kind of person who wants to stand still or move backward in life. I want to share with you my personal journey. 

I was born July 9, 1971 in Oddar Meanchey, a province in Cambodia. My father was not there. He was serving in the army at the time and was away from our family. I am the youngest of 5 daughters. We are not rich.  We have enough food to eat and we make the best of what life offered us. 

Three months after I was born, my father passed away from malaria as he was journeying through the jungle to get home to us and was bitten by mosquitoes.  He made it home and had three day to be with us and then he passed away.  I was a little baby so I don't remember much about his death. I knew it was a sad day for my mother and sisters and grandparents too. 

Life goes on after that.  This time the country is dealing with genocides and all sorts of warfares going on. The Pol Pot regime took control of Cambodia and many people are killed because they were good smart people. 

I was home with grandma on my mom side and 4 older sisters. My oldest sister is Sokha, my second sister is Sophy, my third sister is Soeun also known as Solarina, my fourth sister is Mao. I am Sau the youngest now goes by Rosa.  At this time our family are safe from all the killings that are taken place around us. It got so bad that pretty soon, no one is safe. 

One day when I was about 5 years old, my mother didn't came home from work. Her job during Pol Pot was working in a food shelters as a cook for the community.  She had a sad countenance about her that didn't feel right.  She gathered us all together and told us that she need to go back to work and pick up her equipments that she had forgotten. You know what? That was the last time we all saw her. This is my mom! She was someone whom I slept close to her bosom each night and was hold onto tightly when I go to sleep.  But that night she wasn't there and I cried and cried all night long.  

My third sister remembered the day she went and picked wild vegetalbes in the wood, it took her all day till late in the afternoon about 5pm in 1977. At about 7 p.m. she left again her excused was she forgot a knife in a jungle so my third older sister, Soeun Chhun followed her all the way to the river, the sun almost set, and she said she will be back shortly and asked Soeun who now goes by the name Solarina to not follow her. Mom hugged and kissed Solarina on the forehead and said she cannot go with her and to please go back home and tell all the siblings grandma Prinh that She will be back shortly. After my mother crossed the river, and left my sister on the other side. Solarina waved her goodbye and mom waved back. Solarina continued to stand there near the river and looked at her until she can't see her no more when she was far and far away.  It was such a sad day for my sister.  She cried because she misses her and then walked home that evening and went to see all of us. Solarina told us that it was very strange for my mother to leave in the dark. Mom said she will be back and Grandma also wondering why she have to do that and we all wondering that evening and waited and waited till about 11pm she still didn't come back home.  We all worried and all of us cried, we could not go to sleep. I was the only one asleep. The next morning I woke up and cried because my mom was still missing, so I shook the pillow as I was crying and found the letter my mom left for us. The letter said, "To mom and my 5 girls, I am sorry I have to leave you guys due to the situations that I am in I am temporary leaving Cambodia to Thailand because they found out that Dad was in the army and if she stay here they will capture me and kill me so I am leaving with 7 people including your step father (Luom). We hope that we are safe  crossing the border and if we get to Thailand I will  return and see you guys in a couple weeks until then goodbye to my five daughters and mom I love you all very much. Mak, Chhai" (My mother Chai).

In 1977 I don't know what month, my mom was last seen at about 7pm in Cambodia, Pume Preah Punlear, Keth Battambang during Pol Pot.