After my mom was gone...

After my mom left, my 4th oldest sister Mao and I stayed with grandma Prinh in 1978.  One year after the disappearance of my mother, my grandmather passed away too.  The country is still under the Pol Pot Regime. I was 7 years old at this time and Mao was 10 years old. My three oldest sisters Sokha, Sokphy, and Souen are teenagers so they were put into shelters in a different age groups.

After my grandmother's death, I stayed with my brother-in-law mistress and her mother.  We stayed with them in a city called Svai Sisapon. I remembered the old lady and her daughter was not kind to my sister and I.  They would take us into the woods to find firewood and would try to leave us there. We found our way back the first time. It happened again and again and finally we got the idea that they wish to get rid of us and hope that we would get lost and be eaten by wild animals or killed so that they don't have to care for us any more. 

We lived with my oldest sister and her husband family for a short time. I remembered why Sokha was so mad at me.  She said I picked vegetable in her father-in-law's garden, I played around and stepped on his vegetable, but I didn't so I got angry at Sokha.  She grabbed the pestle from the mortar and was trying to hit me.  I didn't let her hit me because I ran south all the way to the end of Boung Pring so the guard brought me back that's when Neak Jai,my brother-in-law hit me hard. 

After this event, we went back to old camp called Jumrum Chass, My brother in-law Neak Jai and Sokha when back to Khmer to do some smuggling this was when we stayed with his mistress. One day my third oldest sister Soeun came back to visit us at the camp called Jumrum tmei. Then the next day Mao and I got mad at Neak Jai and his mistress then we left them to go find our second oldest sister, Sokphy.

We were with Sokphy for a short time in Jumrume Tmei then she figured Mao and I could not stay with her because her husband was in the army and that's when she took Mao and I to our third oldest sister Souen, who was with Sinoun and her family. 

We got lost in a place called Kok Kchoung.  Mao asked some people if they knew Soeun because she went to stayed at Sinoun family.  Someone told Souen that we were looking for her and that is why she came half way to pick us up from Kok Kchoung and then go back to Jumrum  Tmei. Two lost children reunited with the third sister. We were so happy to be lost children wondering from camps to camps alone and hungry.  As we walked there were land minds all around us.  It is as if angels watched over every step we take to avoid stepping on one. 

This is the homeland where we all stayed in 1979. It belong to my brother-in-law's family.

This place is still there when I went back and visited  August 21, 2012

This was in 1979 in Boung Pring when we lived with Tha Jeksome, Aman, Kamouy Bong Nouy before we all went to Svy sisapon and then to the camp with the Hem Family.  Souen took us to the family she stayed with and explained to them what happened to our family.  Souen recalled that at this time the bomb exploded and we all evacuated to a refugee camps in Thailand. The camp was located close to the Cambodian border, Khao-I-Dang. We didn't have any where else to go so Sinoun and her family took us all in.  They had 5 children at the time and so with the three of us, they now have a family of 10 to support and cared for.  We are so thankful for all they do for us. Without any questions or concerns Tan Hem included us three kids into his family like his own.  In the document he told the people that we were his real children no questions asked. Sine there are 8 children at the time, he assigned us all ages about one year apart starting with the oldest to the youngest because we didn't have any valid record.  Everything was destroy during the war. 

The journey begins...

Day to day life isn't easy for everyone.  There are challenges and struggles each of us faces that can keep us one step behind in our pursuit to happiness. There are also good things that happen too that takes us one step toward happiness. Doing nothing about it is what keep us standing still. I am not the kind of person who wants to stand still or move backward in life. I want to share with you my personal journey. 

I was born July 9, 1971 in Oddar Meanchey, a province in Cambodia. My father was not there. He was serving in the army at the time and was away from our family. I am the youngest of 5 daughters. We are not rich.  We have enough food to eat and we make the best of what life offered us. 

Three months after I was born, my father passed away from malaria as he was journeying through the jungle to get home to us and was bitten by mosquitoes.  He made it home and had three day to be with us and then he passed away.  I was a little baby so I don't remember much about his death. I knew it was a sad day for my mother and sisters and grandparents too. 

Life goes on after that.  This time the country is dealing with genocides and all sorts of warfares going on. The Pol Pot regime took control of Cambodia and many people are killed because they were good smart people. 

I was home with grandma on my mom side and 4 older sisters. My oldest sister is Sokha, my second sister is Sophy, my third sister is Soeun also known as Solarina, my fourth sister is Mao. I am Sau the youngest now goes by Rosa.  At this time our family are safe from all the killings that are taken place around us. It got so bad that pretty soon, no one is safe. 

One day when I was about 5 years old, my mother didn't came home from work. Her job during Pol Pot was working in a food shelters as a cook for the community.  She had a sad countenance about her that didn't feel right.  She gathered us all together and told us that she need to go back to work and pick up her equipments that she had forgotten. You know what? That was the last time we all saw her. This is my mom! She was someone whom I slept close to her bosom each night and was hold onto tightly when I go to sleep.  But that night she wasn't there and I cried and cried all night long.  

My third sister remembered the day she went and picked wild vegetalbes in the wood, it took her all day till late in the afternoon about 5pm in 1977. At about 7 p.m. she left again her excused was she forgot a knife in a jungle so my third older sister, Soeun Chhun followed her all the way to the river, the sun almost set, and she said she will be back shortly and asked Soeun who now goes by the name Solarina to not follow her. Mom hugged and kissed Solarina on the forehead and said she cannot go with her and to please go back home and tell all the siblings grandma Prinh that She will be back shortly. After my mother crossed the river, and left my sister on the other side. Solarina waved her goodbye and mom waved back. Solarina continued to stand there near the river and looked at her until she can't see her no more when she was far and far away.  It was such a sad day for my sister.  She cried because she misses her and then walked home that evening and went to see all of us. Solarina told us that it was very strange for my mother to leave in the dark. Mom said she will be back and Grandma also wondering why she have to do that and we all wondering that evening and waited and waited till about 11pm she still didn't come back home.  We all worried and all of us cried, we could not go to sleep. I was the only one asleep. The next morning I woke up and cried because my mom was still missing, so I shook the pillow as I was crying and found the letter my mom left for us. The letter said, "To mom and my 5 girls, I am sorry I have to leave you guys due to the situations that I am in I am temporary leaving Cambodia to Thailand because they found out that Dad was in the army and if she stay here they will capture me and kill me so I am leaving with 7 people including your step father (Luom). We hope that we are safe  crossing the border and if we get to Thailand I will  return and see you guys in a couple weeks until then goodbye to my five daughters and mom I love you all very much. Mak, Chhai" (My mother Chai).

In 1977 I don't know what month, my mom was last seen at about 7pm in Cambodia, Pume Preah Punlear, Keth Battambang during Pol Pot. 

At the Beginning

Hi everyone. Please wait to read my story and join me on my journey from there to here.